So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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