My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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