i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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