I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
