Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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