Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
