dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
