Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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