she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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