His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
