i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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