I want to make a zoo with you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
