He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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