people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize