i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
