at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
