I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So gin and wine won't be happening again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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