drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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