Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
