This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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