i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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