it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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