I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
