She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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