he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
