From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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