BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
