people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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