I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize