you traded sex for a burrito?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
