I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
