Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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