What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
