you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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