never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i came on her dog
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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