those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
