He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
