Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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