Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just had sex on a roof
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize