At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
