he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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