Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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