...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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