Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
