after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
