I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
