I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this just has baby written all over it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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