her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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