worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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