just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
