Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
