Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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