All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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