i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
