Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize