I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
