Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize