So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
