: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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