I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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