thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
