Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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