you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
