WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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