Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
