but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize