He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is it penis luge time yet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
