508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you didnt know i had herpes?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
