I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
